I’m happy because I am picking myself up from where I left things off. I’m happy on how Aidan is progressing really fast, but I can’t help but be sad too.
The person who’s been there for me the whole time, the one who never failed to encourage me, the one whom I dedicate all my love to is leaving me. I don’t know how many times we’ve tried to say our goodbyes already, but we always end up talking again. Although this time, I’m afraid she might be really serious about it. I think she finally decided to leave me behind for good. I think it’s just fair to the one she belongs to, and even to the one I left behind because of her.
It’s really hard even just to think about it, but we both know that it’s something that we must do. I don’t want people to judge her, we love each other but there’s nothing going on between us, we simply decided to stay as friends, but the more that we talk and hold on, the deeper our feelings become for each other, and the harder it is to let go.
I’m not sure how I’d move on and go through life without her by my side. For the past few months, she’s been my constant company. She’s the only one who ever really understood, and I can even say that she knows me more than anyone else.
I really don’t know what to do or feel right now, but I pray that she’d stay even just a little bit longer, even just for another day.
Just another day… *sobs
Why can’t it be?
Why can’t it be the two of us?
Why can’t we be lovers, only friends.
You came at the wrong place
.. and at the wrong time…
I’ve asked myself a million times how and why,
but still I could not come up with any answer.
I love you, simply because I do.
There are so many reasons why I should,
but still they aren’t really the answers as to why I love you.
I just really do. Continue Reading »
You talk as if going far away, somewhere else, would be the only solution. Well, perhaps you’re right. Who knows? Maybe, just maybe, things will be different when that happens. Maybe you can travel and fly away to London to visit the queen in her palace or perhaps party all your life. Maybe busy yourself with the things you always wanted to do. How about going to Europe? Maybe drop by the city of Rome where people believe that miracles can happen? I guess I’m the one who is in need of miracles though, but I doubt it that they would work on me.coz I don’t think there will ever be an end to this wonderful feeling of loving you.
So where do you plan to go? Run away to a place that’s so far from where I am, so you’d completely forget everything?
Aren’t we too far from each other now? What difference would it make if you’d go away? You are already far away from me. I can’t even get near you. I can’t even go and see you. Perhaps I could, but only from afar and without you knowing it. Isn’t that sad enough? Too near yet too far.
What can I do? Having you in my life is wrong, and it’s as if nothing can be done to ever make it right. Sigh. But I love you, I love you so much and nothing can change that, ever.
You could buy a one way ticket and fly away to the ends of the world, but in my heart you’d stay forever. And when I say forever, it doesn’t have an end.
I will love you with all of me for as long as I exist.
My heart may bleed,
but it bleeds because of loving too much
and I would never regret loving you this much ever,
because it’s all worth it. Continue Reading »
You came and you’ve seen through me, and I guess I did the same thing for you too. But, what we thought was nothing turned out to be something more than we could possibly think of. Something that from the start until the end, we weren’t able to and still could not define. I guess it’s even more than just the typical feeling of falling for someone. Because I realized that I’ve never really fallen in love with you. Perhaps it’s the same reason why there’s no way possible for me to ever fall out of love for you.
Like what I’ve been telling you over and over again. It’s not something that was brought about by anything, no reasons, it just happened. It’s like something that has always been there lying asleep locked up inside me, and you awakened and unlock it when you came. But everything happened at the wrong time and at a wrong circumstance and so it has to take a halt, and we MUST do the right thing. It’s impossible to let love walk away, so a beloved has to. I guess now that I need to let you walk away from me, I could only say thank you for coming to my life, and for making such a huge change in all of my being.
Somewhere, some other time, if not in this lifetime then maybe in the next. When everything is right, I will see you there and I would never let you walk away from me again.
Loneliness by Rainer Maria Rilke Translated by Robert Bly
Being apart and lonely is like rain.
It climbs toward evening from the ocean plains;
from flat places, rolling and remote, it climbs
to heaven, which is its old abode.
And only when leaving heaven drops upon the city. Continue Reading »
You came and you’ve seen through me, and I guess I did the same thing for you too. But, what we thought was nothing turned out to be something more than we could possibly think of. Something that from the start until the end, we weren’t able to and still could not define. I guess it’s even more than just the typical feeling of falling for someone. Because I realized that I’ve never really fallen in love with you. Perhaps it’s the same reason why there’s no way possible for me to ever fall out of love for you.